what I want
by willowrose1616
Summary: complete! Buffy finds out something that she can't deal with and does what she does best runs. Only to find help in an enemy. SPUFFY
1. Default Chapter

What I Want  
  
Summary: Buffy finds out that she is really sick. Her mom doesn't take it very well and Buffy can't stand to see her mom hurting so she decides to run away. She ends up in France wanting to finish her days there when she runs into an unlikely friend.  
  
A/N: This is my first actual fanfic that's made it to another computer and anyone else has got to read. So let me know how I did.  
  
Disclaimer As much as I wish I owned Spike I don't. Joss does.  
  
Chapter 1: Results  
"Buffy would you stop fidgeting." Joyce asked her daughter as they sat waiting for the doctor to come back with Buffy's test results. "Sorry, I just hate doctor's offices and you know that." Buffy said placing her hands on the table. "I know sweetie but we need to find out what's wrong with you. You shouldn't be throwing up everything you eat." Joyce said taking her daughter's hand. "It's not everything I eat. I ate last night and again this morning and didn't throw up." Buffy said trying to make it sound better then it was. "I know sweetie but I still think it was a good idea to bring you to the doctors." Joyce said moving her hands from Buffy's to her lap. Buffy was just about to say something when the doctor walked in.  
  
"Mrs. Summers, Buffy we have the test results back and." The doctor paused taking a seat in front of Buffy and Joyce. "What is it doctor Wolf?" Joyce asked looking at him and she knew it was something bad. "Buffy has to put it in not so medical terms stomach cancer." Doctor Wolf stopped to let the news sink in. Buffy just sat there as if he had said that she just had an upset stomach, but Joyce on the other hand was trying not to brake down in the doctor's office. "Is there anything we can do?" Joyce pleaded with the doctor to tell her that there was some type of cure. "Unfortunately Mrs. Summers there's not. Chemotherapy would only make her more sick and I honestly don't think it would work anyway." Doctor Wolf finished and Joyce broke down. "How much longer do I have?" Buffy asked the doctor with still no expression on her face. "A year if you're lucky." The doctor said then got up to leave. "Oh god no!" Joyce cried and Buffy just sat there holding her. "I am truly sorry." Doctor Wolf said turning around to face Joyce and Buffy one more time, then left.  
  
"Come on mom let's go." Buffy said letting go of Joyce and standing up to leave. Joyce just nodded in agreement and followed Buffy out. They stopped at the counter to see if there was anything else they needed to do then left. Buffy ignored the looks she got from the nurses. They rode all the way home in silence. As soon as they got home Buffy ran upstairs and Joyce just sank on the couch and started to cry again.  
  
As soon as Buffy was in her room she picked up the phone to call her best friend Willow. "Hey Wills." Buffy said sinking down onto her bed. "Hey Buffy. How did the doctor's appointment go? Do they know what's wrong?" Willow asked concerned about her best friends health. "Yeah Will they told me what's wrong." Buffy paused trying to control her voice. "Willow I have cancer." Buffy finished and just sank back against her pillow. Willow and Buffy were silent for a long time just letting the news sink in. "Willow you still there?" Buffy asked breaking the silence. "Yeah I'm still here. Oh goddess Buffy." Willow said trying to contain herself. "Yeah I know. Hey Will?" Buffy asked getting up and packing some of her clothes and all the money she had saved up. "Yeah Buffy." Willow said after a minute. "Can I come stay a night or two at your place? My mom needs time to let this sink in." Buffy said grabbing the last of her stuff she wanted to take with her. "Sure of course Buffy." Willow said trying to hold back tears. "Ok well then I'll see you in a little while. Oh and could you call Xander. I want to hang out just the old gang." Buffy said walking over to her bed and picked up the picture of her and her mom and put it in her backpack. "Ok Buffy I'll see you in a little while." Willow said and hung up the phone. Buffy hung up the phone and went to head downstairs when she heard her mom talking to Giles.  
  
Buffy left her stuff in the hallway and went into the kitchen to say goodbye to her mom and Giles. "Hey mom I'm going over to Willow's for a few days, but I'll call and check in ok." Buffy said going up to Joyce. "Um ok Buffy." Joyce said and gave Buffy a hug. Buffy held it for a while then let go and kissed her mother before turning to Giles. "I'll see you later." Buffy said giving Giles a hug then left.  
  
Xander was already at Willow's by the time Buffy got there, and Willow had filled him in on the whole situation. Buffy was met with hugs from both of her friends. "Hey guys." Buffy said when they came out of the group hug. The gang spent the rest of the night watching movies and chatting like old times. They all fell asleep in the living room.  
  
Chapter 2: Decisions  
  
Buffy awoke first. It was about six in the morning and she had a plane to catch in about an hour. So Buffy got up and left her friends a little note and left with a tear in her eye. Willow awoke about five minutes after Buffy had left to find her gone. She woke Xander up and they looked everywhere for her. Willow went to check out side and when she came in she found the note and read it. With tears streaming down her face she handed the note to Xander and sank into a chair.  
  
Dear Willow and Xander I've gone. I don't want you guys to worry about me. I'll be fine. I love you all and will call when I get to where I'm going. Will you guys tell my mom and Giles that I love them and not to worry about me. I'll miss you guys.  
  
Love always  
Buffy Xander read aloud and sank into a chair next to Willow. They sat there in silence for a long time. "I should have known something was up she brought so much clothes with her yesterday. I wonder where she went." Willow said breaking the silence "I don't know Wills. Maybe we should go tell Joyce now." Xander said getting up. Willow nodded in agreement and followed out with letter in hand.  
  
"Hey Willow, Xander where's Buffy?" Joyce asked when she opened the door and saw the two of them standing there without her daughter. "Can we come in?" Willow asked shyly. "Of course you can." Joyce said moving away from the door to let them in then led them to the living room. "What's up you two?" Joyce asked know that something wasn't right. Willow just handed Joyce the note. As Joyce read it her eyes weld up with tears and by the end of it she was crying. Willow hugged Joyce and cried with her.  
  
Chapter 3: Arrival  
  
"Passengers please fasten your seatbelts we will be landing shortly." The captain said and Buffy fastened her seatbelt. 'Well I always wanted to go to France.' Buffy thought to herself as the plane landed. Buffy got off the plane, grabbed her luggage and then left the airport. She had made reservations at a hotel that accepted American money. Buffy's hotel was about a half an hour away from the airport. The hotel wasn't the nicest place in the world but it would work for now. Buffy looked at her watch, which was still on Sunnydale time, and saw that it was only four o'clock so she decided to call Willow.  
  
"Hey Will." Buffy said when Willow answered the phone. "Buffy!" Willow practically screamed." "I was so worried about you. Why didn't you tell me? I would've gone with you. You shouldn't be alone." Willow rambled out. "Willow, Willow, Willow calm down. I'm sorry I didn't tell you and yeah maybe it would've been nice to have you come with me. But you have school and a life to live and since I don't have either really I figured I would go." Buffy said sitting down on the bed in her room. "But you still should have let me go." Willow said disappointedly. "I know. Hey Wills I have to go, but I'll call you soon. Let my mom know that I'm ok. I love you Willow." Buffy said then hung up.  
  
"Well I'm starved and I doubt this place has room service. I guess I'll go and try to find some food." Buffy said aloud to no one then got up and walked out of her room. It was a little after midnight and Pairs was still buzzing. Buffy closed and locked and started down the hallway when she heard a familiar voice. "Well, well look what we've got here." The familiar voice said and Buffy let out a sigh. "And this day just keeps getting better." Buffy mumbled to herself then turned around slowly to face the voice. "'Ello cutie." He said with a smirk. "Spike what the hell are you doing here? Never mind I don't want to know." Buffy said turning back around and started to walk away when Spike grabbed her arm. Buffy turned to face him. "Spike I'm not in the mood. I'm tired and hungry and have to find a place to exchange my money. Buffy said but didn't make Spike let go of her arm. "Are you ok Slayer?" Spike asked finally letting go of her arm. "I'm fine Spike and don't call me that." Buffy said turning away from him and walking away. Spike just looked at her for a moment then followed her.  
  
"What happened to you?" Spike asked when he finally caught up to her. "Nothing Spike." Buffy said and kept walking. Spike stopped her again, turning her to face him. "Not even four months ago you wouldn't even let me get this close to you, and now you don't care. What happened to you Slayer?" Spike asked and Buffy just looked at him. "A lot can happen in four months Spike." Buffy said then turned and walked away. Spike followed her. Buffy found an all night diner and went in while Spike just stood and watched her from outside.  
  
Chapter 4: Unlikely Friends  
  
'I know I'm going to regret this, but what do I have to lose.' Buffy thought and went to where Spike was. "Are you going to stand there all night or are you going to come in and sit with me?" Buffy asked not waiting for an answer turned around and went back to her table knowing that he would follow.  
  
"So Spike what brings you to Paris?" Buffy asked once he sat down across from her. "I don't know. I've always loved Paris." Spike said trying to figure out what Buffy was up to. "Oh yeah well me too." Buffy said trying to figure out why Spike hadn't attacked her yet. "Why did you come here luv?" Spike asked staring at her. 'Maybe she is a looker when she's not being a total bitch.' Spike thought to himself. "To get away." Buffy said staring back at Spike. 'Wow look at those eyes ad that body. He's hot!' Buffy said and locked eyes with Spike and held it for a long time. They only broke away when the waitress came to get their orders. Buffy ordered a small hamburger and drink and Spike ordered a stake and milkshake. "I thought you said you were starving." Spike said locking eyes with her again. "I am but it doesn't matter cause a) I have to save my money until I can get a job here and b) I'll probably just throw it up anyway." Buffy said whispering the last part and looked away, but Spike heard her anyway. "Why would you do that?" Spike asked now confused on what was going on. Buffy just looked down and fidgeted with her napkin. "Buffy look at me." Spike said putting a hand under her chin to lift her head to look at him. "Because." Is all that Buffy said. "Because why?" Spike pushed. "Because I'm sick. Are you happy now Spike? You wanted to know why I'm here. It's because I'm dying and I wanted to see Paris before I died." Buffy said almost screaming then got up and ran all the way back to the hotel room. Spike was right behind her the whole way there and stopped her before she could go inside. Tears were streaming down her face and Spike felt so guilty. 'Why do I feel like this? She's my enemy the reason Dru left me.' Spike thought to himself.  
Buffy tried to open the door but couldn't get it so she just slumped down to the floor in a ball crying. Spike tried to soothe her by rubbing her back. 'Why am I letting him touch me? And why does this feel so right.' Buffy asked her but pushed the thoughts out of her mind and leaned into Spike's embrace. They just sat there for a while until Spike pulled away. Buffy just looked up at him. "I'd love to stay pet but if I don't find shelter I'll be a pile of dust." Spike said just watching her. Then he turned and walked off. "Spike." Buffy called after him. 'What the hell am I doing?' Buffy asked herself as Spike turned back around to face her. "Yeah." Spike said and Buffy took a deep breath. "You can stay here if you want." Buffy said turning away. 'Why is she doing this.' Spike thought to himself. "Are you sure?" Spike asked and Buffy looked back up at him. "Yeah if you want to that is." Buffy said and Spike nodded. "Sure pet I'll stay." Spike said walking back over to Buffy and helped her to her feet. He pulled her right into him. When she didn't move away Spike dipped his head and kissed Buffy. Without breaking the kiss Buffy opened the door and they stumbled into the room. 


	2. choices

Chapter 5: choices  
  
Buffy pulled away from Spike long enough to pull his shirt over his head and then attacked his mouth once again. This time it was Spike to pull away first. "Buffy are you sure about this?" Spike asked and Buffy backed away. "No I'm not. I'm not sure about anything anymore." Buffy said lying down on the bed. "It's ok pet." Spike said sitting down in the chair not wanting to crowed her. "Spike could you just hold me?" Buffy asked so innocently and Spike nodded moving to her side. Buffy spooned up against him and closed her eyes just basking in the feeling that what they were doing was right.  
Buffy finally dozed off. When Buffy was asleep Spike crawled out of the bed to go run some errands. It was almost dark when Buffy had finally fallen asleep so he didn't have to wait long to leave.  
Buffy woke up about an hour after Spike left. She reached out for him but when all she got was air, she shot straight up in the bed. "Spike?" Buffy called out and when there was no answer she laid back down and closed her eyes willing the tears not to come. 'Why do I care if he's not here?' Buffy asked herself not noticing the door open. "You ok luv?" Spike asked coming and sitting next to her on the bed. "You're back." Buffy said sitting up. "Yeah I just a little bit of stuff to do and I figured I'd go and get you something to eat." Spike said holding up the McDonalds bag. At Buffy's look he followed with "Yes they have McDonalds in Pairs." "Thank you." Buffy said then started eating. She was starved because she hadn't eaten anything since the day before yesterday. 'Maybe this will stay down.' Buffy thought as she finished her chicken nuggets, but as if on cue Buffy flew to the bathroom. Spike looked towards the bathroom door questioningly until he heard her throwing up. With in a second he was in there with her holding up her hair. After Buffy had finished emptying the contents of her stomach she sank down to the floor.  
Spike picked her up and carried her back to the bed. "Is that better luv?" Spike asked tucking her under the covers. She nodded numbly and then closed her eyes. "You rest awhile and then I'll take you and show you Pairs." Spike said and Buffy smiled and fell asleep. 'She is so beautiful.' Spike thought to himself. He sat in the chair and watched her sleep.  
After about two hours she awoke and noticed Spike staring at her. When he realized she was awake he quickly moved to her side "Hey pet how you feelin'? Spike asked brushing a stray hair out of her eyes. "Better." Buffy smiled at him. "You ready for that tour then?" Spike asked and Buffy practicality jumped out of the bed to get dressed. A few minutes later she emerged from the bathroom about five minutes later wearing a red halter-top and black leather pants. Her hair was loosely curled and down to the middle of her back. "Wow luv you look great." Spike said handing her her jacket and they headed out.  
They were on their way to the Effile Tower when Spike first saw her. Drusilla was following and had been for quiet some time. Spike just ignored her and decided to call it a night. "Hey pet lets finish the tour tomorrow ok." Spike said and Buffy nodded. She was actually having fun with Spike and was glad that he was there.  
  
Buffy had been in Paris for a month now and every night she and Spike would go out and do something together. Then after they were done they would go back to the hotel and fall asleep in each other's arms. Nothing more happened between them other then a few kisses and handholding. "Hey pet you ready to go?" Spike called through the door. They were getting ready to go to Stamps, the local nightclub that they had been going to just about every night for the past two weeks. "Yeah give me a sec." Buffy said putting on the last of her make up. She finally came out wearing a black mini skirt and a tight blue top. "Wow pet you look great." Spike said placing a sweet kiss on her lips. "Thanks." Buffy said breathlessly. Spike grabbed his coat and Buffy's and head out.  
When they got to the door of the club they went to go in when they heard a familiar voice. "Hello my sweet." The voice said. "Dru. What do you want?" Spike asked turning to face her. "I want us to be together again, my sweet William." Dru purred coming up to him. "Sorry Dru I'm taken." Spike said grabbing Buffy's hand and Buffy gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I thought you would say that." Drusilla said pulling out a gun and pulling the trigger before Spike could get to it. Buffy fell to the ground in a heap. Spike caught her before she could hit the ground and carefully set her down. "Hold on pet." Spike begged Buffy. Drusilla came up beside him. "Come on Spike leave her and come with me." She purred in his ear. Without blinking an eye Spike sunk a stake into Dru's chest. "Buffy please hold on baby." Spike said pulling out his cell phone and dialed 911. He could hear her heart slowing. She was losing a lot of blood. "Spike." Buffy said barely a whisper. "Pet don't talk save your strength." Spike said stroking her hair. "Spike. I love you." Buffy said then passed out. "I love you too. Please hold on." Spike said the tears streaming down his face. 


	3. love and babies

A/N: Sorry the update took so long. My computer sucks and I need to buy a new one. But as promised more chapters. This defiantly has R rated parts so if you're not old enough don't read it.  
  
Disclaimer: same as before. I don't own Spike but I wish I did  
  
Chapter 6:  
  
Spike rode in the ambulance with Buffy, holding her hand the entire time. Once they were at the hospital the nurses made him wait in the waiting room till Buffy was done seeing the doctors. Spike had been in the waiting room for nearly three hours when the nurse came and told him that he could go see her, but that she wasn't awake and that they didn't know how long she would be out. Spike ran as fast as he could to Buffy's room. When he got there he just stood there staring at her. She looked so fragile and she was so pale. Spike finally went in and sat next to her taking her hand into his. "Come on pet you got to wake up. I'm so sorry. It's my fault I knew she was there somewhere and I didn't do anything about it. I'm sorry all I wanted to do was protect you and be with you and now because of me you're here when we should be at home finishing the special night I had planed." Spike finished looking away.  
Buffy just laid there with her eyes closed listening to Spike talking. She could tell that he was to busy in all his guilt to notice that she was awake. But when he got to the part about the special night she had to say something. "So what kind of special night did you have planed?" Buffy asked with her eyes still closed. "Buffy." Spike said scooting closer to Buffy. "So what did you have planed?" Buffy asked sitting up and wincing at the pain she felt shoot through her shoulder. "Take it easy luv. You lost a lot of blood." Spike said when Buffy winced. "I'm fine Spike, but I want to know what you had planed." Buffy said and Spike smirked at her. "Guess you'll have to wait and find out." Spike said then kissed Buffy sweetly on the lips. They pulled apart when the doctor came in.  
"Well Mrs. James you seemed to be doing a lot better and can go home as soon as we get your release papers." The doctor said looking at the chart and Buffy just gave Spike a quizzical look. Spike just smirked at her. The doctor handed Buffy the papers then left the room. "Mrs. James?" Buffy asked once the doctor had left. "Yeah I figured it better then going by your last name incase there was some bulletin or something looking for you." Spike explained and Buffy just smiled at him. "So where did you come up with James?" Buffy asked absently drawing circles on the back of Spike's hand. "It was my last name before I was turned." Spike said as Buffy got situated and got out of the bed. "Oh William James I like it." Buffy said and then smiled. "William Michael James. And I can't believe I just told you that. Dru didn't even know that." Spike stopped at the mention of his now deader sire. "Well I feel special." Buffy said ignoring the name. "You are special love." Spike said going up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. Buffy smiled then leaned up and gave him a kiss. Once they had pulled away from their kiss they walked hand in hand of the hospital. Luckily there was still about an hour till sunrise so they made it back to the hotel without Spike turning into a pile of dust.  
Once they were inside Buffy pushed Spike up against the back of the door and kissed him passionately. When they finally pulled apart they were both panting even though only one needed oxygen. "What was that about?" Spike asked once he was able to talk again. "Well I just realized that I could be dead any day now and I just didn't want to die regretting things even though I will always regret the things I know I wont get to do." Buffy finished and then attached her lips to his. They carefully made their way over to the bed. In the time it took them to get to the bed they had lost all their clothes and were standing there both naked. "Are you sure about this?" Spike asked one last time. And in response Buffy pushed him down on the bed and laid down on top of him. With one swift motion Spike flipped the two of them where he was on top. Spike started to kiss down her body, while one of his hands drifted down and tangled into her soft curls. Buffy gasped loudly when he plunged on finger into her. He stroked her until she reached her climax. Spike watched her as she came down from her climax. "I love you." Spike whispered into her ear and she smiled brightly. "I love you too." Buffy said and Spike was shocked that she actually loved him back. "Spike will you do something for me and remember it's only if you want to." Buffy said nervously. "Anything for you my love." Spike said kissing Buffy and nibbling on her neck with his blunt teeth. "Will you claim me?" Buffy asked and Spike just stopped what he was doing and looked up at her. "Buffy?" Was all he could get out not sure he heard her right. "Will you claim me? I mean if you want to." Buffy said looking at him. Instead of answering her he thrust into her and as she reached her climax he sunk his teeth into her neck. "Mine." Spike hissed as he went back to his human form. "Yours." Buffy agreed and then kissed him.  
They spent the rest of the night just claiming and reclaiming each other. Buffy awoke the next morning in Spike's cool embrace. She snuggled closer to him until she got very nauseous. She bolted from the bed and into the bathroom. Spike was awoken when Buffy got out of bed. "You ok luv?" Spike asked as she slid down next to the toilet. "Yeah I guess just got a little nauseous." Buffy said getting up with Spike's help. "I thought you were feeling better?" Spike said once they got back to the bed. "I was but you know it comes and go." Buffy said putting up her hair. "Yeah." Spike said thinking for the first time since they got together that he could lose her. "You want to go out for breakfast?" Buffy asked and Spike nodded.  
"Spike I wanted to ask you something since we first started staying together again." Buffy said trying to figure out what she wanted to say. "Yeah pet?" Spike said staring into her eyes "I just wanted to know back when we first met up here why you didn't try to kill me?" Buffy asked and Spike just blinked in shock. "Well I guess in my head I blamed it on the truce we had back when we fought Angelus but the real truth is that I've loved you since the first time I saw you in the bronze dancing with the Scooby gang." Spike said taking her hands. "Why didn't you kill me and why did you let me in?" Spike asked turning the tables on her. "Well I blame it on the truce also but I don't think I could ever have killed you. And why I invited you in well it's going to make me sound horrible, but I was hoping that you would kill me so I didn't have to finish my days here alone scared and starving." Buffy finished trying not to cry. "Oh pet." Spike said moving to her side of the table and wrapped his arms around her. "You want to go home?" Spike asked and Buffy nodded her head.  
When they got back to the hotel room they just laid on the bed in each other's arms. "Buffy." Spike asked while lazily rubbing his hand up and down her arms. "Hmm." Buffy said with her eyes closed just enjoying being in Spike's arms. "What will you regret not doing in life?" Spike asked and Buffy just turned her head to look at him. "I'll regret not being able to watch Dawn grow up or the scoobies get married and have kids. I'll regret not getting married or having kids myself, but I guess as a slayer I don't get those things anyway." Buffy said a silent tear falling. Buffy closed her eyes and fell asleep after that. Once Spike was sure Buffy was asleep he got up and made a phone call then went out.  
Spike came back a few hours before dawn and found Buffy exactly how he left her. Spike went over to her and kissed her. Buffy stirred and then woke up. She had bags under her eyes and her hair was all messy but to him she looked absolutely gorgeous. "Morning luv." Spike said then kissed her. "Morning Spike. What time is it?" She asked after they pulled apart. "It's early but I wanted to do something. Do you love me?" Spike asked Buffy and she just looked at him weird. "Of course I love you Spike." Buffy said and watched Spike curiously. "Ok then." Spike said and dropped to one knee. "Will you marry me?" Spike asked pulling out a ten ct. diamond ring. Buffy didn't know what to say. She just sat there looking at Spike but then shook her head. "Spike I would love to but I can't do that to you. I'm dying and it will just make it worse." Buffy said fighting back tears. "I don't care Buffy I want to be with you no matter what. I love you." Spike said and Buffy just smiled. "Will you marry me?" Spike asked again and Buffy giggled at his persistence, but she gave in this time. "Yes Spike I'll marry you." Buffy said and Spike smiled an actual genuine smile. He slipped the ring on her hand and then pulled her in for a hug. When they pulled away, Buffy just looked at her ring then she looked around the room and noticed all their stuff was packed. "Spike what's going on?" Buffy asked and Spike just looked at her. "We're going back to Sunnyhell so that you can see your friends and family. We'll buy a house there so that you can be closer to them." Spike said and then noticed that Buffy was crying. "I love you." She said then pulled him into a passionate kiss. "Not that I wouldn't love to continue this but we have a flight to catch in a couple of hours and you know that once we get started we don't stop." Spike said with a smirk. "You're such a pig Spike." Buffy said as they walked out.  
"Spike what are you going to do about the sun?" Buffy asked noticing that it was almost dawn out. "Well I had a friend that owed me a favor and he found this ring so I took the ring and am now sun proof." Spike said and Buffy just smiled. "You are just full of surprises huh." Buffy said then kissed him.  
"They had been on the plane for a little more then an hour when Spike turned to Buffy and saw that she was awake again. She had fallen asleep almost immediately when they got on to the plane. "I was thinking." Spike said and Buffy let out a little giggle. "That's never a good thing." Buffy quipped. "Hey." Spike protested. "Anyway seriously how would you feel about adopting a baby when we got back. And before you say it I know your situation and I would take care of him or her no matter what." Spike said and Buffy smiled. "That would be cool. I always wanted a girl, but if you want a boy that's fine." Buffy rambled out. "So I take that as a yes?" Spike asked and Buffy nodded. "And just to let you know I want a girl too." Spike said then kissed Buffy. Buffy fell back asleep with a smile on her face.  
  
Chapter 7: Baby  
When they got off the plane they made their way over to the baggage claim and that's where Buffy saw a bag with the nametag that read Rupert Giles. Buffy almost dropped her bags. "What is it pet?" Spike asked coming up behind her. "Spike Giles is here. I don't want him to see me yet. We need to go." Buffy said grabbing the rest of their stuff then started off towards the parking lot. Buffy didn't stop until they got to Spike's car.  
Once safely inside Buffy calmed down. "So where are we going first?" Buffy asked when they were finally on the road. "To the adoption agency. They know we're coming." Spike said with a smirk. Buffy just smiled back at him and they road the rest of the way in comfortable silence. Spike parked the car and helped Buffy out. "Hi I'm Alyson you must be Mr. And Mrs. James." Alyson said holding out her hand. "Yes we are." Spike said grabbing Buffy's hand. "Well I'm going to be helping you make your decision on which child you would like to adopt." Alyson said leading them into an office. "Now would you rather a boy or a girl?" She asked and the couple looked at each other and then back at her. "We don't mind either but I think we would like a girl more." Spike said and Buffy nodded. "Well we had a two week old dropped off here two days ago and she's been checked out and is perfectly normal. Would you like to see her?" Alyson asked and the couple nodded. "Ok then I'll be right back." Alyson said then left to go get the baby. She came back a few minutes later with the a baby wrapped in a little pink blanket. Alyson handed the baby to Buffy. Buffy immediately fell in love with this ball of sunshine. The baby was laughing and giggling in Buffy's arms. Buffy looked up at Spike and Spike knew that they found their baby. "I think we found a match." Alyson said and Spike nodded. They filled out the paper work while Buffy played with the baby. "What's the baby's name?" Alyson asked. Spike looked at Buffy and nodded. "You pick the first name luv I'll take the middle." Spike said and Buffy nodded. "Payton." Buffy said and Payton laughed. "Payton Anne it is." Spike said and Buffy just looked at him. Spike finished signing the rest of the paper work for Payton's adoption. Then Spike Buffy and Payton walked out to the car a new family together.  
  
A/N I didn't mean for it to be such a long chapter but it is. I'm trying to decide how I should end this story so if you have any ideas feel free to email them to me. And don't forget to review 


	4. meeting up

A/N So sorry this took so long but hey it's up now and for anyone who wants the last chap just let me know

"So where to now luv?" Spike asked as they drove out of the parking lot. "Well we don't have any baby stuff for Payton so." Buffy said and Spike smiled. "To the store it is." Spike said and turned into the store parking lot.

Three hours and about three thousand dollars later the family came back out with about four shopping carts full. Luckily by the time they were done shopping the sun had set. "So luv where to?" Spike asked and noticed how nervous Buffy was. "Well I called my mom on the plane and told her to get all the scoobies together and I would call later to talk to them all. So I guess my mom's. But when we're almost there I'll call her." Buffy said and Spike nodded. "Here luv we're almost there." Spike said handing her the cell phone. Buffy looked at it for a minute before taking it. Buffy took a deep breath and glanced back at her sleeping daughter then to her fiancé before dialing the phone.

"Hello." Joyce answered after the third ring. "Hi mom it's me." Buffy said as she and Spike pulled into the drive way. Spike had cut the lights so that they weren't seen. "Oh Buffy hi sweetie how are you?" Joyce said and Buffy just smiled. "I'm great mom. Is everyone there?" Buffy asked getting out and grabbing Payton's diaper bag while Spike grabbed Payton, then she looked over at Spike and covered the mouth piece. "Spike from now on you're welcome in any of my homes." Buffy told him then went back to the conversation. "Yes honey hold on let me put you on speaker." Joyce said and then Buffy could hear everyone. "Hi guys." Buffy said and got a jumble of 'hi' from everyone. "Buffy we miss you so much and wish you would come home." Willow said after a few minutes of silence. "I miss you too guys and you never know I might come home soon." Buffy said then knocked on the front door. "Hang on Buffy some one's at the door." Joyce said and went to answer the door. When Joyce opened the door Buffy just stood there and looked at her mom. The scoobies were right behind Joyce and when they saw it was Buffy they all jumped on her hugging her. Spike just stood behind her with Payton in her carrier. All the commotion caused Payton to wake up. Buffy immediately pulled away from the group and turned to her daughter while everyone else just stared.

"I got her luv." Spike said taking Payton out of her seat. "Thanks but she's probably hungry so why don't you go heat her up a bottle and I'll go in the living room and wait for you." Buffy said taking Payton then kissed Spike. Spike just nodded and took the diaper bag from Buffy. Buffy turned back to the scoobies and smiled. "Guys I would like you to meet my daughter Payton." Buffy said holding her up. "Our daughter." Came Spike's voice from the kitchen. "Right our daughter." Buffy corrected. "How? What? How?" Xander said and Giles took off his glasses to clean them "Three excellent questions." Giles said and Buffy smiled. I'll explain it all and answer any questions you have but first lets go into the living room." Buffy said and headed into the living room. The gang followed as if they were robots.

"So any questions?" Buffy asked and Xander immediately jumped up. "What the hell is going on?" Xander asked and Buffy just smiled. Spike returned to the room and took Payton from Buffy. "I'll feed her you deal with the firing squad." Spike said taking Payton from Buffy. "Thanks Spike." Buffy said rolling her eyes but smiled at her fiance and daughter. "No problem any time my love." Spike said kissing her then moved to the end of the couch. "Ok now where to begin?" Buffy said thinking more to herself then to the others. "How about with that rock that takes up your whole right hand." Cordy said motioning to the engagement ring. Buffy smiled and then started to fill them in on what had happened since she had left including the truce that helped send Angel to hell. By the time she had finished all the scoobies where just staring at her. Willow was the first to speak up. "Wow Buff that's one interesting story." Willow said and Buffy smiled glancing over at Spike and Payton who were now both asleep. Buffy just smiled at them and went to pick up Payton.

"Oh Buffy we forgot to tell you." Willow started and Buffy stopped what she was doing and turned around to face Willow. "What?" Buffy asked and Willow looked at the others. "Buffy Angels back." Willow said and Buffy just looked at her and shrugged "All well I'm engaged now and have a family and he just doesn't fit in." Buffy said and Spike tried not to smile, still pretending to be asleep. "I know you're awake Spike." Buffy said and Spike just opened his eyes and looked at her. "Buffy I have just one more question. Why did you invite Spike in in the first place?" Xander asked and Buffy just stopped what she was doing and turned to Xander. She had purposely left that part out. "Because." Buffy sighed. "Honestly I just wanted it all to end. I couldn't hold anything down and I was in so much pain I just wanted it all to end and I thought he would end it for me. But instead he kept me living. Now I'm tired mom is my room ok for us to sleep in cause if it's not we can." "No no no it's fine Buffy you can sleep in your room." Joyce interrupted Buffy. Buffy smiled at her mom then turned to Spike. "Could you go get the bassinet from the car so Payton doesn't have to sleep in her carrier?" Buffy asked and Spike nodded. "Thanks we'll wait upstairs for you." Buffy said then turned to head upstairs and Spike went outside. Spike was pulling the bassinet out of the car when he felt a familiar presents behind him. "Hullo peaches." Spike said without looking up. "Spike what the hell are you doing here?" Angel growled. Spike just looked at him and smiled. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting a bed for my daughter to sleep in." Spike said and walked past Angel caring the bed and a few changes of clothing. "Spike stay away from Buffy." Angel ordered. Spike was about to say something else when the door opened. "Spike hurry up I don't want Payton to sleep in her seat to long." Buffy said walking out the door and paying no attention to Angel. "Buffy what's going on?" Angel asked and Buffy just turned to face him. "I've moved on Angel. Spike and I have a family now and I want you to leave him alone. If you still want to be part of my life then that's fine I could always have another friend but you have to leave Spike alone." Buffy said then turned and walked inside. She paused right before closing the door. "Spike don't take to long please. " Buffy said and with that she was gone. Spike glanced at Angel and smiled then followed Buffy back into the house.


	5. the end

**chapter 5**

**Buffy awoke the next morning to Payton crying. Buffy just smiled at the sound not believing how her life had turned out so far. Buffy looked over at Spike who was still sleeping then quietly got up and brought Payton downstairs for a bottle.**

**Buffy walked into the kitchen to see her mom there. "Hey you're up early." Buffy said while trying to juggle holding Payton, the bottle and trying to pour the formula. "Gallary is opening early today. Do you need some help?" Joyce asked taking Payton from Buffy. "Thanks mom." Buffy laughed as she poured the formula. "Do you want to feed her?" Buffy asked once the bottle was ready. "Sure I would love to feed my granddaughter." Joyce beemed taking the bottle from Buffy, which, joyce noticed looked really pale. **

**"Are you feeling alright honey?" Joyce asked and Buffy shook her head no then passed out. "Buffy!" Joyce screamed which had Spike down stairs in less then a second. "What happened?" Spike asked picking Buffy up. "She just passed out." Joyce filled in Spike. "Will you watch Payton for me?" Spike asked not really waiting for a responce. "Of course." Joyce said as Spike was running out the door.**

**Spike drove as fast as possible to the hospital where they took Buffy from him and left him in the waiting room. While he was waiting he called the scoobies and let them know what was going on. They showed up a half hour later to find Spike pacing the waiting room. "Do we know anything yet?" Willow asked Spike and Spike just looked at her. "No red they took her when we got here and have yet to tell me anything." Spike said sinking into a waiting room chair. **

**Just then the doctor came out. "Are you Buffy's family?" The doctor asked and Spike jumped up. "Yes how is she?" Spike asked trying to keep his voice from cracking. Willow just laid a comforting hand on his arm. "Unfourtunatly she's not doing to well. She's extreamly malnurished. We've got her on fluids trying to give her some sort of nutrians but it's not working well. I don't think she has much time left." The doctor said and Spike just stared at him. He knew this was happening but couldn't help the fact. "Can we see her?" Willow asked and the doctor nodded. "I think it's best you did." The doctor said then walked away. "You guys go first. I'll be in in a minute." SPike said and the scooby gang just nodded. **

**"Hey guys." Buffy said weakly when the gang came in. "Hey Buff Spike said he'd be in in a minute." Xander said and Buffy gave him a weak smile. "Thanks Xand." Buffy said opening her arms for a hug. Xander immediatly went to her and so did Willow. "It'll be ok guys. Just take care of each other and everything will be fine." Buffy said and Willow,Xander and Giles all smiled forcing back tears. Just then Spike came in. "Well we should go and let you two talk. We love you Buffy." Willow said then kissed Buffy on the head. Xander and even Giles followed suit then left.**

**"Hey you." Buffy said to Spike and Spike just smirked at her. "Hey luv. How you feeling?" Spike asked kissing her on the head. "Tired." Buffy admitted truthfully. "I bet you've put up such a fight. I proud of you." SPike said and Buffy smiled. "I love you Spike. And I want to thank you for everything you did for me. You gave me the family I never thought I would have." Buffy said then leaned up and kissed Spike. As they pulled apart Joyce walked in with Payton. **

**"Hi mom." Buffy said as Joyce walked over to her. "Oh baby." Joyce said fighting back tears. "It's ok mommy it'll be ok." Buffy said because she knew it truely would be. "I know baby." Joyce said then handed Payton to Buffy and stepped back. "Hi baby girl." Buffy said kissing payton on her head. "Mommy loves you always remember that. And make sure you keep your daddy in line. Someone needs to if I'm not there." Buffy said kissing Payton one last time then handed her to Spike. "I'm going to go let you guys have some time. I love you baby." Joyce said kissing Buffy then left. **

**Buffy watched her mom leave then turned back to Spike. "Spike watch over Payton and make sure she knows that her mommy loves her always. And that you know that I will always love you." Buffy said then gave up fighting. As Buffy died Payton started to cry. **

**"I know baby. Come on lets go tell the others." Spike said then leaned down and kissed Buffy one last time. **

**Three days later the whole gang was standing around Buffy's grave. The service had just ended and the gang was starting to leave. Leaving just Spike and Payton standing over Buffy's grave. "I will always love you. You gave me more then you could ever know and I promise that Payton will know her mommy." Spike said then slowly turned and walked away just as it started to rain.**

**The end**

**A/N I've started a sequel to this story so if you want it let me know.**


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